When recently asked what was the success of my 10 year marriage (that is like 40 years in Southern California years) I replied “Well, he travels a lot”. I first heard my mom use this same line when I was a kid. Only now do I understand the comedy of it.
And tonight my husband leaves for 2 weeks on business trip overseas. He travels overseas about every 6 -8 weeks, and is gone for at least 2 weeks at a time. He has always travelled for business. Actually a week after we met (and decided to marry) he left for Egypt. So this is nothing new. Last night over dinner my girlfriend asked ‘so where is he going?” and I laughed and smiled and said- “I have no idea”. “So when does he leave? Is it LAX?” And again I said “I have no idea-sometime Sunday night’. Bad wife you think? Perhaps. But I think I am just so used to him travelling - it is no longer a big deal anymore. (By the way I found out he is going to Hong Kong, Ningbo China, Bangladesh, Vietnam and some other place I still can’t remember) So yes, it is true we spend a lot of time apart because of his work travel (and even sometimes mine). In addition to that, I am not one to stay home and work around his vacation schedule. This summer alone I went to Chicago twice and Catalina Island on my own with the boys. I know he would have loved to have gone with us- but he has a hectic work schedule and was not able. Close friends of ours have the polar opposite marriage…they do everything together. They wake up on Saturday and run all the family errands together. When they are home from work they are always, always together. Sometimes I envy their ‘togetherness’ and sometimes I think they are a little insane. I mean I actually look forward to going to Costco ALONE. Sad but true. But they are a very happy couple..so it works for them. On weekends Ed and I use the ‘divide and conquer’ method. He will run to the store in the morning before we wake up, and later I will hit the Dry Cleaner or car wash while he watches the kids at home. And when we are home I am either running around cleaning, or wasting life on the computer and he is watching golf or on his laptop in the other room.
But we are still a very close couple. We are.
Strange to say- but we are. We talk several times during the day when he is at work, and since I was once in his industry we discuss his work issues and office politics for just entertainment. And of course there is e-mail. We are nearly famous for the amount of emails we send to each other. Sometimes from different rooms in the house! (Usually forwarding something- so don’t worry I don’t e-mail him ‘what do you want for dinner?’ from the other room- well, not USUALLY). I love being married and think I have a successful marriage. I do yearn for a 2nd honeymoon with JUST him for several days at a time. But I am sure that will come someday. So is my marriage perfect? No way- but it is perfect for US. I wonder how the dynamics of our marriage differ from others…from yours?